So far this is what I am going through as an artist in the world right now… I hope some of this helps you. I am feeling absolutely overwhelmed and if you are a creative also dealing with some of these same anxieties you aren’t alone.
The tortured artist doesn’t lead to better work for me.
I am not going to come up with an amazing viral post right now. I can't take on the patriarchy and change the world while I am this overwhelmed and full of anxiety. Lots of people have casually suggested to me that I will do great things with the extra time I have at home and honestly it just isn’t going to happen. I am not at my best so I will not create at my best.
Artist guilt is something I am working through daily.
Outside of what others have said to me, I also feel guilty I am not creating enough art during this time. But I am trying to remember to give myself grace. I need to create for self-care personally but I can’t put the burden of high-level creating on myself right now just because ‘I have more time.’ Creativity doesn’t owe me that and I owe my creativity the space to not carry that burden as well. Some people throw themselves into work to deal with anxiety and that isn’t how my mind works. I simply can’t get things accomplished.
Artist guilt is being compounded by all the new online learning ‘opportunities’ being offered.
Companies and people need to make money and I completely get that. Also, many people throw themselves into overdrive to deal with stress. But the fact that so many creatives I follow online are now all of a sudden producing online tons of content is actually overwhelming. I can’t take all the classes, I can’t listen to all your live discussions, I just can’t do all the things. I am actually getting anxiety over missing these live streams that are only available for 24 hours, and just how many I am seeing everywhere I go online. I think creators need to reevaluate what we put out right now. Is it truly bringing value or is it adding to information overload and adding one more thing – due to artist guilt? I know everything is in transition right now but I wish creators would understand that you don’t need to just share/create content to fill the digital space to make up for the lack in your physical life.
There are things I can’t do right now.
I am talking about learning and high concept work. I have a book that needs finalizing and honestly I don’t know if I can do it. Really high level work is REALLY hard right now and just going to work every day is me giving 100% right now.
Hobbies and passions are hella important.
Right now I just need things that really excite me and really make me happy. People may not care about my love for thrifting, or vintage, or creepy art, or all the multifaceted interests that make me… me. But these interests are truly what is saving me mentally and getting me through each day. I am going to do more of that right now and not everyone will like that and I need to be ok with that.
Other people showing up as the worst version of themselves online is what stresses me out the most.
I have had to unfollow/unfriend a ton of people online again. Purely for mental health. Online communication is the majority of communication I have right now. It is the connection I have to the outside world. When people show up as their worst version of themselves spreading conspiracy theories, spreading ‘facts’ with no information backing it, judging others, and going on long rants of hatred towards everyone’s behavior that negativity REALLY impacts me. We all have a choice of how we show up. Choose to show up as the best version of yourself that you can.
I feel numb around my lack of ability to help other creatives.
I know so many creative people have lost income or even their jobs and it makes me feel numb. This is an anxiety I haven’t yet been able to process because I am stuck dealing with myself right now. If you have been impacted financially by all of this please know I am sorry and can’t imagine adding that stress to all the rest. Please know I am routing for you.
The rest of this post is documenting what was going on during this time in my life day-by-day. I want to remind myself that even if I am physically away from people I was still connected. And even though I felt a lot of artist guilt around not creating the next ‘big thing’ during this time I was still creating.
March 17, 2020
First day of work at home and the beginning of my true social distancing including work. I live so close to work I just put my computer on a cart and walked it over.
March 18, 2020
I decided to go for on walks everyday. I decided to do a #coronacleanup and started picking up garbage on my walks.
March 19, 2020
I uploaded a vlog post letting people know where I was in life.
March 21, 2020
I uploaded my first Redbird Vintage Box unboxing. It was a fantastic distraction from everything going and and I hope my unboxing brought joy to others like they do for me.
That afternoon I joined Christine McConnell for a craft-with-me livestream. I am one of her Patrons on Patreon and one of the perks is doing livestream projects with her under #creatingwithchristine. We all did a creepy silhouette art project. She gave us all a crow silhouette to use but I decided to paint a spider instead and I painted it on antique sheet music I had from 1906.
I sent the piece to my friend Char as a surprise gift and she sent me the kindest video thanking me and even shared a picture of where the new work now lives in her house! I looks right at home don’t you think?
March 23, 2020
A friend of mine was so thoughtful and sent me a new large briefcase size bag. It was just so perfect for me and I was actually looking for a new bag in exactly that size! I sent her a silly reaction photo all decked out in Disney love and I sent a thank you card I embellished with paper flowers too because this amazing friend always does bring joy to my life!
We celebrated a coworker’s birthday by all wearing hats and having a digital BOYB happy hour at the end of the work day.
March 25, 2020
I binged the Self Made miniseries on Netflix and drew Octavia Spenser. I did this as part of a challenge in Katnipp’s Patreon community. I love how it turned out and I really focused on color and shading on this piece. Octavia Spenser was even kind enough to give the fan art a like on Instagram.
March 27, 2020
I shared a photo of Little Miss in my favorite Facebook group THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y. I shamed her as my new home office ‘coworker’ and people enjoyed a picture of her grumpy face and pink little belly. The comments kept me entertained for days. I took screenshots some of my favorite comments.
March 29, 2020
I joined Brian Kesinger in a Draw with Me and learned how to draw his classic character Otto the octopus and had a really good time drawing with so many other artist. It was fun to see what everyone came up with! They made a compilation vide on Instagram of all the different projects made.
March 31, 2020
Today was a bit of a crazy day. At my apartment complex people tend to get rid furniture when they move by putting it next to the dumpster. And today I took out my trash in the morning and found a bicycle! I couldn’t believe it! You can tell they used it but it was in good condition and even the tires were good! I haven’t had a bike since I was a teenager so this is awesome and I love the vintage look of it with the fun pinstriping. Also, it is called Free Spirit?!?! I am here for it!
My coworker David was also a good sport that day because I turned him and Merlin into a meme.
April 2, 2020
Today I saw a horrible meme posted about how if you aren’t achieving things right now with the extra time you have you are not disciplined. So I fixed it!
Everyone deals with stress differently. Some people charge through it adding more and more work to block it out and some people become frozen. And wherever you are on that spectrum of stress response is completely okay. Some of us are dealing with so much right now and you don’t NEED to level up as a human right now if you aren’t at your best mentally. YOU ARE NOT LACKING DISCIPLINE if you aren’t in a good mental state to add more to your plate than you already have to deal with. And that is okay.
This season will pass. Try to give yourself and others grace no matter how we show up right now.
I decided to purchase some some resale items online via Poshmark while I was stuck inside and couldn't go thrifting. I was reassured of my choice to support these small businesses when the items arrived with adorable thank you cards. If you sign up use my code KATYOUNGCREATE to get $10 off your first order.
I curated a surprise vintage box for a friend’s daughter who is just starting to get into vintage. I sent her some really fun items and she looked adorable modeling the items. She sent me a sweet note back thanking me along with a hand painted kitty magnet that I just adore.
April 3, 2020
Fortunately we were given a personal day at work so I spent the day just lounging around. I decided to join the Nailed It Challenge that day in attempting to recreate the Tiger King cake with things I have around the house. That was really fun and it was really entertaining watching all the attempts in the #naileditchallenge social posts.
April 4, 2020
On Saturday I attempted to make a gallery wall in my hallway. I loved how it turned out so I think I will make a larger gallery wall in my bedroom next.
I was sure to support some local small businesses. My favorite local antique shop Hunt & Gather. They posted items to purchase on their Instastories and then offered no contact curbside pickup. I bought this beautiful antique sconce and turned it into a display for many of my more extravagant vintage accessories.
April 14, 2020
Got my Redbird Vintage Box early this month. The ladies sent them out early to people who wanted them. It as really nice to have this moment of fun and surprise and I hope you enjoy the unboxing!
April 15, 2020
Today I stopped in at a local gas station and not only did the bandana make me feel like a bandit but also finding toilet paper I felt like am outlaw. “Quick get the getaway car!”
That evening I attended Books & Bars, a local book club group and we discussed Daisy Jones & The Six. I loved that book and had a great time at the virtual book club and even experienced my first Zoom bombing. It was this COVID-19 version of a crank call.
April 20, 2020
This may be a bit of TMI but I had an ovarian cyst rupture last night. Goodness that is painful. It isn’t the first time and I had a video appointment with my doctor but my pain tolerance is so high I didn’t seek any treatment. Not sure if that is a humble brag about pain tolerance but at least it isn’t as painful as my cluster headaches.
April 21, 2020
I adopted I new fur baby from The Cafe Meow. I found her on Instagram and she was everything I wanted. She is older, small, and sweet. Exactly the kind of companion I wanted for Little Miss. Having lost a kitty to cancer earlier this year I really missed having two cats in the house. I am really excited to get to know this little lady. I decided to name her Lily, AKA Princess Tiger Lily, AKA Lillian, AKA Lily Girl.
April 28, 2020
We pulled off the Minnesota Book Awards as a livestream. It was amazingly stressful on the back end. Everything went wrong from my seat but it did not appear that bad to the views. We met our fundraising goals and were able to celebrate some amazing authors.
I even got to wear the dress I had picked out for the ceremony that was supposed to take place at the Ordway. I had a paintbrush pattern dress with a Jackie-type collar and wore a vintage horsehair brush style brooch and earring set. I topped it off with a vintage fascinator, funky clutch, and some bracelets. The entire outfit was resale and thrifted and I felt like a million bucks putting it on!.
May 5, 2020
Today I took Allison Maldonado‘s Create Your Own Work workshop with other artists. She gave some really solid foundations and her energy and confidence is infectious. This is definitely something I need in my life right now. I am hoping that this is just the beginning of working with her in a business and artistic coach capacity. She is a true renaissance soul with her creative endeavors and swings for the fences and that is exactly the kind of mentorship I am looking for. From her tv show The Vintage Voyageur to her artistic creations o am so impressed with everything she has created of her own volition.
May 12, 2020
Allison got my thank you card I sent her today and she reminded me that even though we are physically distant we do not need to be socially distant. It only takes a moment to make someone’s day and remind them that they are appreciated and you are thinking of them.
May 15, 2020
I took the day off of work because I knew my workload could handle it. It was so nice to take a day off when I didn’t need it for my own sanity or because I was sick. I published a new Redbird Vintage Box unboxing video. I am having so much fun with these and people seem to dig them too!
May 24, 2020
I went out into the world today and shopped at some of my favorite antique stores. It was weird but this is the new normal I suppose. I wore my mask and supported businesses I care about.
May 25, 2020
I finished my book today. I finally went through the last of my Beta Reader edits and uploaded it for publication. You can learn more about writing this book by checking out some blog posts I did on the entire process: